An Odd Friendship
by MercuryPilgrim
Summary: Many people wondered why exactly it was that Kenpachi Zaraki and the Toshiro Hitsugaya got on so well. They still haven't got a clue. Oneshot. Rated for language.


_Disclaimer: _I do not own Bleach or any of its affiliates. Anything that you recognise is property of its respective owners. Any relations to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

_Base/s:_ Bleach

_Title:_ An Odd Friendship

_Summary:_ Many people wondered why exactly it was that Zaraki Kenpachi and the Toshiro Hitsugaya got on so well. They still haven't got a clue.

_Music used for inspiration:_ Down and Out, The One - Tantric

* * *

><p>Ichigo sat himself on the sofa with a huff. Apparently, the Head Captain was less than pleased about his conduct last week. Really, was stabbing Mayuri through the face really that bad of an offense? It wasn't like he was going to die from it or anything. But the Yamamoto didn't see it that way. So here he was, confined to the Tenth Division barracks for the day, while he filled in his reports. At least it was better than being in the second like yesterday. Soi Fong was scary.<p>

He shot a dark look at the other person in the room. The little white haired Captain was sitting at his desk, diligently filling out his own paperwork. Every so often, he would reach for the mug of tea on his desk and take a drink, reading over a file.

"You're staring Kurosaki."

Ichigo jumped. He'd zoned out. He glared while the other male raised a white eyebrow and, if he had been the type to, would have shrugged.

After an hour of maddening silence, Ichigo had to speak.

"Where's Rangiku?" he blurted out, before flushing as he broke the quiet.

Toshiro looked up from his weekly budget report. Damnable thing.

"My lieutenant is doing squad initiation with the recruits today." He informed the substitute, mentally congratulating him on lasting this long. Matsumoto could only last a few minutes.

"Shouldn't you be doing that?" Ichigo asked, baffled.

Toshiro resisted the temptation to sneer.

"No. I handle their _real_ initiation on a few days. For now, they need to get settled in. I'll put the thumbscrews to them later." He said.

Ichigo still looked confused so he sighed and elaborated, setting down the mug of tea he'd just drank from.

"Matsumoto is the 'pretty face' the recruits see then they first get assigned to my squad." He explained, grimacing at his own wording. "She'll be nice, get them settled in and play the caring lieutenant. I'll step in a few days later and start their _proper _training." He finished with a crooked smile. It wasn't nice.

Ichigo nodded.

"So she's 'good cop' and you're 'bad cop' right?"

Toshiro frowned but nodded.

"In layman's terms, yes."

Ichigo grinned, his eyes dancing.

"They're gonna _hate_ you."

Toshiro's lips twitched.

"Of course. I'm the 'big, bad, mean Captain'. They'll follow Matsumoto's orders because they like her, and they'll follow mine because they're scared shitless of me."

Ichigo looked impressed.

"That's quite a good strategy."

"It is. They'll grow out of it when they get seated and realised I'm not so bad." He said, humour in his tone.

Ichigo snorted.

"Not so bad my _ass._"

Just then, the door was slammed open and there was an orange, pink and back blur as it threw itself on the sofa. Fortunately, it wasn't the one Ichigo was sitting on.

Matsumoto breathed out a sign of contentment as she settled onto the couch, revelling in the softness.

"Matsumoto."

She didn't listen, instead snuggling up to a cushion.

"_Matsumoto_."

She yawned and hugged the cushion closer, her breathing evening out.

Ichigo looked on in interest as a long suffering look came across the young captains face and a vein ticked in his temple.

"_Matsumoto!"_ he shouted and Ichigo swore his ears popped. How could such a small person have such lung power?

The busty lieutenant yelped and jumped, bolting upright and looking panicked. Then she saw Ichigo.

"Ichigo?" she asked blearily. "What're you doing here?"

The orange haired substitute opened his mouth to speak but was cut off.

Hitsugaya crossed his arms.

"He's _here_ Matsumoto," he began, annoyed, "because he needs supervision after that little stunt in twelfth."

"I'm not a kid!" Ichigo protested, even though that he knew, logically, that both the people in the room with him were older by a few hundred years.

Hitsugaya pinned him with an icy stare.

"You stabbed Kurostuchi though the head." He said flatly.

Matsumoto butted in.

"But sir," she began, her brows knotting in puzzlement. "You've done that too."

Ichigo raised an incredulous eyebrow.

"_We_ were sparring." The captain informed them haughtily.

Ichigo winced. If stabbings through the head were Toshiro's idea of sparring, he sure as hell didn't want to be one of his recruits.

There was a thud as someone banged on the door so hard it bust open and almost fell off its hinges.

Ichigo jumped and looked for somewhere to hide. Zaraki was standing in the doorway, in all his gigantic, manic glory.

"How ya doin' pipsqueak?" he greeted the young Captain, his eyes flickering over Ichigo and Matsumoto before returning to the other captain.

Ichigo cringed.

Hitsugaya glared up at him from where he was seated at his desk.

"Fine." He replied curtly.

Zaraki strode in and dumped a veritable mountain of paperwork on Hitsugayas desk with drama. The young captain glowered.

Zaraki leered unpleasantly.

"Still too soft on your vice captain eh, short stuff?" he taunted. Toshiro's eyes narrowed.

"Still whipped by Unohana, musclehead?" he shot back.

Ichigo wanted to cower under his seat as both spiritual pressures spiked.

Zaraki grinned nastily.

"At least I'm not a short little fucker like you." He said.

Hitsugaya's glare could have frozen over the Sahara.

"What? As opposed to being a brain dead thug?"

"Pah, pathetic little shit."

"Your IQ into double figures yet?"

"Is your sword still dragging on the ground?"

"You get Ayasegawa to design the bell/eye patch look for you?"

"At least I have a _life._ You live in this shitty little office."

"_I_ don't routinely destroy my barracks with my _tantrums._"

"You're not even out of nappys yet!"

"Oh yeah? How about a blade through your neck? How's that for _kid?_"

"I dare ya! I fuckin' dare ya!"

Ichigo's eyes flashed between one and the other in horrified fascination. Zaraki was leaning forwards and Toshiro had stood up, his fists clenched and his arms crossed defiantly. Neither looked particularly friendly.

"Drinks later?" Hitsugaya growled, ice crusting on the desk and on the windowpanes.

"Never miss 'em." Zaraki snarled.

The big captain turned on his heel and stormed out of the office, thunder on his face. Ichigo looked on in amazement.

Hitsugaya remained standing for a second before throwing himself into his chair with a snarl, snatching a pen and violently began filling in a form, a dark look on his face.

Ichigo was seriously confused.

_What the _hell_?_

Matsumoto put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay Ichigo. They do this all the time."

Ichigo just sat there, dumbstruck.

"But they were going to _kill _each other!" he whispered so as not to draw the attention of the moody captain in the room.

The lieutenant laughed lightly.

"Nah. They'll save that for sparring." She said, smirking.

She laughed again before getting up and exiting the office, skipping out on paperwork yet again.

Ichigo shook his head in amazement.

He had sure as hell not seen _that_ one coming.

* * *

><p><em>End<em>

_I couldn't help myself. I got the inspiration from Playing Dragon Age 2 (Amazing game. Bioware are gods.) and listening to the part banter between Carver and Varric. Varric cracks me up. I love that dwarf._


End file.
